Alright, so Lockheed Martin – yeah, that Lockheed Martin – is dumping $50 million into Saildrone. Saildrone, for those not chronically online in the defense-tech sphere, makes those unmanned surface vessels (USVs) that look like sailboats on steroids. And the plan? Strap freakin' missile launchers onto 'em.
From Weather Reports to War
Let's be real: Saildrone started out doing oceanography and weather forecasting. Fine, whatever. Seemed like a legitimately useful thing. But now? Now they're bragging about "heavier firepower" and "maintaining dominance over our adversaries." Gimme a break.
Richard Jenkins, Saildrone's CEO, claims he pitched the Navy on this back in 2014, but they weren't biting. Apparently, mass-producing floating missile platforms wasn't en vogue back then. So, what changed? Did the world suddenly become less complicated? Less volatile? I must have missed that memo.
He says integrating the missile launcher onto the Saildrone platform won't be a "heavy lift." Famous last words. I'm sure turning a glorified weather buoy into a floating weapons platform will be a piece of cake. What could possibly go wrong?
And here's the kicker: Lockheed Martin is gonna give Saildrone access to the whole enchilada – encrypted data, command and control systems, the works. So, basically, they're handing the keys to the kingdom to a company that was measuring ocean currents like, five minutes ago. I'm sure that won't have any unintended consequences.
The Military-Industrial-Startup Complex
This whole thing stinks of the military-industrial complex desperately trying to stay relevant in the age of drones and AI. They see some scrappy startup like Saildrone making waves (pun intended) and think, "Hey, let's throw some money at them and see if we can weaponize it!"
It's like watching your grandpa try to use TikTok. Painful.
And the quote from Stephanie Hill, president of Lockheed's rotary and mission systems business? "Together, we are combining the most sophisticated commercial and defense technologies to deliver a lethal naval solution at speed and scale. The nation needs this capability to maintain dominance over our adversaries, and we will deliver it."
Translation: "We're gonna make a killing selling these things, and we'll wrap it in a flag so nobody questions it."
"Lethal naval solution." Jesus. Can we at least try to sound a little less bloodthirsty?
The fact that this is all "independent research and development" – meaning the Pentagon isn't directly involved, yet – is even more terrifying. They're basically beta-testing autonomous missile boats on the open ocean, with no oversight. And they expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly...
Saildrone is so proud that they've recruited a former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and a retired three-star admiral to their board. I wonder what kind of consulting fees those guys are pulling in. I bet it ain't cheap.
But hey, at least they're upfront about their priorities. Jenkins admits that defense was always their "biggest use case," but the world wasn't ready for it back in 2014. Well, congrats, Richard. You finally found a world depraved enough to embrace your floating missile dreams.
The Inevitable Screw-Up
Look, I'm not saying autonomous boats with missile launchers are inherently evil. Okay, maybe I am. But even if you're a hardcore defense hawk, you have to admit this is a recipe for disaster. What happens when one of these things malfunctions and starts firing missiles at random? What happens when hackers take control of a fleet of them? What happens when they decide, of their own accord, that now is the time to launch?
These are questions nobody seems to be asking. They're too busy patting themselves on the back for "innovating" and "delivering lethal solutions."
Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I should just go back to doomscrolling and accept our inevitable robot-apocalypse future.
So, We're Just Accelerating the Inevitable, Aren't We?
This whole thing feels like a bad sci-fi movie come to life. We're so obsessed with technological "progress" that we're willing to ignore the obvious dangers. Autonomous missile boats? What could possibly go wrong, right? Ain't that always the question?
